I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize