somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
