Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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