And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
