Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
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