rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
