There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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