yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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