Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
