I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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