Taylor Swift is so right about you.
no, he came in my armpit
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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