id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
