she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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