He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
