His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
