Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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