I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
