I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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