The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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