and i looked up. we had an audience...
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
