Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
