i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
