How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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