I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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