I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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