This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
