I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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