there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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