I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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