Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I have tasted many bathrooms
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
