i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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