weddingsv make me drug and hornr
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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