So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
