So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
