going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
