IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
