if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize