Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He shit in the fireplace
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
