Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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