I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
