You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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