tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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