I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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