woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize
