I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
