It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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