Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
