p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
