I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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