he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
