just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
