that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
