I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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