Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
