Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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