that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
