ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
We got so high we made milksteak
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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