dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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