Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
