whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
