Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
