so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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