after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
