i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I fill condoms, not promises.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
