1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
