You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
