the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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