I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
