Me too!
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You're like the curious george of whores
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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