My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
