Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
