soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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