4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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